Hello Kids. So today turned out to be boring as do the rest of my days here lately. I swear sometimes it seems the only friend I can actually hang out with is Jamis Leigh. Ok take that back it seems she is the only friend that will figure out time in our schedules so we can hang out. Anywho, that was just a little bit of me being a big cry baby. So I had to be to work at 7 this morning and I tell you what....I was one unhappy camper for the whole day. I felt like crap, by golly I looked like I rolled out of bed and went to work....KINDA DID. Then the weather was beautiful....lightning, pouring rain, and some wind....GOOD STUFF THAT IS. I just got done watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire....I LOVE IT. Now I'm sitting here pathetically awaiting the phone call I'm suppose to get from my boyfriend, but here lately that never happens. "I'll call you back....." that's what he says, what he really means is good bye for the fuckin' night. Sorry about the language yall. See this is part of my problem.....I keep things bottled up and when they come out, I get angry. UGH. Why can't I just relax.....have no worries....HAKUNA MATATA. The famous words of simone and pumba. LOL. Funny stuff, I know. So yeah....I just want to get out and have a good time. I'm gonna try to be more laid back, not worry so much. Anyways....I'm kinda tired and bored...so I"M OUT YALL. NIGHT.

Ryan

Ok....so I put on this front like everythings ok....guess what....it's not. I'm terrified inside that I am setting myself up for disappointment. I'm scared that when he goes over seas he's not gonna come back and that I'll get a message that tells me he's gone forever. I'm scared that I'm putting my all into the relationship right now and he's worried that maybe it's not gonna work. I want to be with him......I want to be assured that he'll be coming back.....I want to know that he's always gonna love me. But guys, at the same time I want to slow it down. And trust me we have slowed it down. No talk of marriage anymore, until he gets back(hopefully). I'm afraid though that he's not gonna wanna be with me anymore. My insides turn upside down at the mere thought of it, but it's true. What if he's losing interest in me? What if I can't handle a long distance relationship? Trust me it's all taking it's toll on me....I don't eat as much anymore....loss of appetite. All I want to do is sleep because I know that the next day brings me one day closer to when I get to hug him and kiss him again. I want everyone to see how I really care about him and love him. So what if I've only known him for like 2 1/2 months.....he's wonderful. I just don't know anymore. I'm so lost without him and yet, so free. I plan on waiting for him when he goes over seas and all I'm gonna be able to do is pray that he still wants me when he gets home. I'm out.....if you have any words of wisdom or whatever....leave them please and thanks.

ME